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| Today is the 22nd birthday of my good pal, lifeisnotadream. We don't hang out with each other lots, nor we talk to each other for hours on end, but one thing I think she's awesome for is her ability to bring people back to reality. Over the years, here's a list of things I've been able to learn from her that are true about the world in general:
If you have something to share, most people actually don't care.
Lifeisnotadream is usually one of the first people I tell something to, but a lot of the time, the only things she ever says are "cool" or "k". I hate it when she does that. I really do. It's pretty deflating to hear, especially when you're excited about something. I mean, I don't have to put up with that; I can always just share my excitement with other people. But as much as other people will nod and acknowledge more, I've come to realize that it's just being polite. If they were truly that interested, they'd know how to ask the right questions. Guess she was saying what people were thinking the whole time.
Most people have neither the time nor the patience to deal with personal problems.
Seeing as I've known lifeisnotadream since Grade 12, she is almost by default one of the people I've known the longest. At the same time, she's someone to whom I don't mind venting my personal problems. But I've ranted and rambled about the same old things for so many years that I'm pretty sure she's become sick, tired, and desensitized. I could be bringing these problems to other people instead, but I've come to realize that that kind of in-depth discussion either requires a full lunch get-together day, or a pre-booked one-hour appointment with a psychologist. Otherwise, just like the previous thing, people just don't have the patience to listen to or keep up with everything. Lifeisnotadream does the whole "cool" and "k" thing nowadays too, but I have to give her major props for being able to keep up with everything.
Compliments are mostly false.
By now, I've painted a rather unflattering picture of my pal as some kind of robot, but when push comes to shove, she's definitely someone who'll say what needs to be said. This past year, I'd gotten the chance to be a PA announcer for a number of women's hockey games. The more I did them, the more confidence I had, and the more stuff I did that I felt confident to do. My supervisors never said anything, and always gave the ol' "good job" at the end of each game. One of the brightest moments of my semester was a game where the women's team was facing Team China, and apparently my boss was getting compliments from the school's athletics director. Everyone loved it.
So to relive that glory, I went on SSN Canada to find the game, and re-listen to how awesome it was. Imagine my horror in realizing that instead of having the deep voice I thought I had, I sounded more like a pre-pubescent 15-year-old boy! I was really upset at how, after all this time, no one had told me the truth of how bad I sounded. It felt as if my entire semester of building confidence was a total lie. When I asked my pal why no one told me this, she replied, "you wouldn't have listened?" And it was true. I think I'm some kind of laid-back guy who can take any kind of criticism, but in reality, when it happens, it flusters me a lot.
I'm not exactly someone people want to get to know.
When I was thinking of doing my second undergraduate degree, the first and foremost reason I applied to Western was because they had a concurrent math/education program (which ended up being discontinued that same year). The fact that there was someone I was familiar with there mostly made it easier to choose to go there. Knowing for a fact I wasn't going to get to know people on my own, lifeisnotadream actually went out of her way to arrange a get-together for me to get to know her housemates. Being the sugarcoat hater she is, she told them flat-out the kind of person I was: doesn't like it when people ask him questions, doesn't like getting to know people, a bit of a jerk, and so on. Predictably, the encounter ended up being a complete and utter disaster, but hey...it wasn't like they didn't see it coming. I eventually got to know them better, however, and being able to meet more people via ACF had made me fall into a sense of security that people might not think I'm that bad after all. Even being the new guy at a new church in my first year was kind of fun.
Now that I'm in my second year, I've come to realize that the social honeymoon phase never lasts. Once you stop being new, you start seeing how people really see you. At ACF, EMDs, Taylor, or whatever, you can just tell that people indeed have no desire to find out who I am or what I do. Back when I went to MCAC in Montreal, I was welcomed with open arms my first year there, but I will never forget how I was ignored and repeatedly left for dead in my final days there. Frankly, though, I don't blame them, cause I truly offer no social value to people in general. Every time I've gone to a new city, as much as I tried to "go with the flow" and "just meet new people", in the end, my pal was right about me the entire time.
Friendships are almost never reciprocal.
In my old blog, I always lamented about how, while I was at UTS, I'd always make time for the pals I thought were close, and how it sucked that they never entrusted me with anything. Over time, I've come to realize that my palship with lifeisnotadream has also been mostly unequal, which made it a lot easier to sever ties with those UTS acquaintances, who, to be honest, I had never truly known to begin with.
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All in all, it may seem to you that she's cold and condescending, but to be honest, I'm pretty thankful. If she were a Monopoly Deal card today, she'd be the one in the middle:
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| Being a math major is a fun novelty and all, and I've been incredibly blessed to have done well so far, but sometimes I wish my peers would understand that I practically have to slave through each course just to survive.
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| Back when I was playing softball in 2008 -- especially during tourney that year -- I prided myself in covering insane amounts of ground just to catch stuff in the outfield. Sometime during the 08-09 school year, however, the ray that runs down my right big toe collapsed, so walking -- or doing anything on my feet, for that matter -- turned into a chore. I eventually got orthotics to fix things a bit, but from that point on, I tried playing things a little safer.
And so, I ended up having this notion that I couldn't run as fast as I could because of the foot, and thought I was starting to get a little old and slow.
Obviously, what happened today pretty much proved that everything was just in my head. Reckless softball playing for the win!
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| Previous post on sports loyalties.
I feel the need to reiterate what I stated in that post. You see, every time I find that a number of people I know are cheering for the wrong teams, it disappoints me. Up to that point, I've had favourable opinions of these people, but then they bring it upon themselves to change my opinion of them for the worse. This leads to me purging the bad apples out of my life and pretending that I'd never known them to begin with. It is with great regret that I have had to do this numerous times this summer. First, cheering for the Lakers, and now cheering for Spain. It's absolutely unforgivable.
Friends come and go, but sports teams? Sports teams stay around forever. They might have different players, but they're there for life. You know what things aren't there for life? People. People don't last long. They move. They die. They proverbially "drift away".
You ask, "but don't teams relocate?" Sure, sports teams relocate, but the history's still there. The Phoenix Coyotes moved from Winnipeg, but they kept the Jets history. The Washington Nationals moved, but they kept the Montreal Expos history. (Even though I'm from the GTA, I've never cheered for a non-Blue Jays team from Toronto anyway, so let them relocate as they wish.) And you know what? Teams don't die; they outlive people. The Canadiens were founded in 1909. The Red Wings were founded in 1926. The Celtics were founded in 1946. All three of them are still around.
This is why it's so important to stick to a team, because through its ups and downs, they'll be with you for a long, long time.
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| I previously discussed my disgust at a book's portrayal of socialization being a game that is intended to be won. I also mentioned how I do not condone playing this game to win; at the same time, I try to find ways to not lose. Since I didn't elaborate on what constitutes winning or losing, I thought I'd make a couple of lists.
Examples of Things People Do When They Want to Win
- Say or do something nice for someone.
- Be encouraging towards people, and say encouraging things when people are down.
- Be good at something that actually matters.
- Show concern or sympathy towards another person's troubles.
- Hug someone to make them feel loved.
- Play along with things people say.
- Be laid back, "chill", fun to be around, etc.
- Always legitimately show interest in what someone else is saying.
- Be completely honest with people.
- Compliment, and mean it.
- Be humble.
- Send signals of interest when you're interested in a member of the opposite sex, e.g. flirting.
Examples of Things People Do When They Want to Lose
- Be an asshole, and mean every asshole-ish thing you say.
- Never leave your house.
- Never talk to anyone.
- Give death glares every time people do something you disapprove of, and make sure they see and know it.
- Sit in a corner away from everyone when in a social setting.
- Ruin a joke that someone is saying.
- Other people seem to take this really seriously, but not waving or saying hello to someone is an excellent way to screw yourself over.
- Leave your pals out to dry.
- Laugh at other people's misfortunes.
- Blame everyone but themselves.
- Be good at absolutely nothing, thereby making you far less interesting to get to know.
- Find ways to intentionally sabotage any and all interest in the opposite sex.
So if you're playing to not win, you would either avoid doing anything on the Win list, do the opposite of a Win list item, or do something on the Lose list. Conversely, if you're playing to not lose, you avoid the Lose list, do something opposite of a Lose list item, or do something on the Win list. As I mentioned already, I play to both not win and not lose.
Here are a few examples using logic symbols. I will denote an item on the Win list with the symbol W# (and L# for the Lose list), where # is some number.
1) W8 ∧ W9
English: Always legitimately show interest in what someone else is saying, and be completely honest with people.
Outcome: Admitting to someone that you've actually never read that much into the topic, as they talk about the topic. Conversation partner may or may not take a couple of minutes to elaborate on certain things. In the end, you don't lie to yourself or the other person about finding the topic interesting when really, you thought that it was kind of boring.
2) ¬W3 ∧ ¬L11
English: Don't be good at something that actually matters, and be good at something.
Outcome: You end up talking about something odd or funny that you happen to be good at. Examples of this include juggling or magic tricks. Or in my case, imitating people and doing accents. A benefit of this is that you don't come across as a showoff (e.g. if you told someone that, say, you had no mark lower than 95 in Physiology), and at the same time, you're still good at something!
3) ¬W6 ∧ (L12 ∨ W9)
English: Don't play along with things people say, and (find ways to intentionally sabotage any and all interest in the opposite sex or be completely honest with people)
Outcome: You never send mixed messages, which is one thing both genders complain about equally. You also never have to play yourself into a conversation like this:
On Facebook
Pretending to be mean in the "omg meannn" way is one of the stupidest things in 21st century social interaction. If you want to elicit that kind of reaction from a member of the opposite sex, you might as well actually be mean or cruel. Don't be a wuss by playing around. As for the W9 part of this example, not playing along and being completely honest pretty much gives you permission to kill someone's fun when they're trying to be fun and unserious with you, but failing miserably.
Anyway, you probably get the idea by now. Playing to simultaneously not win and not lose is tricky, but it takes years of practice to be able to balance the two.
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Girl: lol, who said you were a friend? =P well... according to facebook... finee.......
Guy: Omg meannnnnnn I feel oddly sad now :(
Girl: awww *hugs* i'm sorry!!!!! don't be sadddd!!! ♥ ♥ ♥